What does it mean to have the “right” to have your own rights?
By definition, “rights” can be legal, social, or ethical principles of freedom or entitlement that are allowed to individuals. One can have the right to exist, the right to vote, the right to fair labor practices, and the rights to social customs such as marriage.
A few weeks ago, I was overwhelmed with numerous appointment requests. Everyone wanted what they wanted, but no one seemed to be listening to my response that I was booked. I was being overworked to try to accommodate everyone else’s needs. I had balanced my goals of “I can set boundaries” and “I can say “NO”, but it didn’t seem to be working. I happened to have a business coaching session and my coach called me out on not setting better boundaries. I felt I was partially controlling my schedule but was being too accommodating at the cost of my health. Previous clients were used to my immediate response within 48 hours and I was telling people I could not get to them until the following week. I was starting to believe that no one was listening to me. Why couldn’t I say “No”? My immediate thought, being trained as a former registered nurse, was that I was trained to always take care of my patients. Nurses never could say, I don’t want to take care of you today! I was feeling anxious about not taking care of people. People were in pain, stressed out and energetically, exhausted by having Covid.
Are my needs not as important as someone else suffering from Covid??? Did I think I was too arrogant to believe, only I could help people energetically? I stayed up working until midnight to help some of these clients. I even got the Covid vaccine that week and worked to help someone else instead of resting. I was feeling angry and trapped. I have my own business, so why wasn’t I able to control and dictate my own schedule?
I began to question what was happening, especially my anger at others pushing me and not listening to me. I realized I had to adjust my goal statement by adding the words, “I have the “right” to set boundaries, I have the “right” to say “no”. When I muscle tested using my arms, both arms unlocked/weakened when I said the amended goal statements. I had to rebalance my new goals as stated above. I felt calmer when I added the words,” the right to”. I began to notice that I could hold my boundaries better, I firmly told clients when I was available and they accepted what appointment times I offered. Even people who didn’t respect my boundaries disappeared. I felt these true-life tests were a lesson to take back my control again, especially when these issues may have stemmed from previous lives saying “yes”. I started to think of the past roles of women in other societies, and women did not have a lot of inalienable rights! I feel we carry some of these cultural values in our family dynamics. In my Chinese upbringing, taking care of your spouse and family comes first! Your needs are never addressed because others would call you being “selfish”.
In my current transformation process, I am working on taking back my own rights and learning to breathe and honor myself!
